Oh my goodness. I have been such a bad blogger lately, and there really is no excuse for it. We have been doing so much wedding stuff lately, and yet I haven’t mentioned a word of it. Over the holiday, we have crossed the following things off our to-do list:

-Groom and Best Man suits…kind of (it’s a looong story, and I’ll be sure to tell it soon)
-Ties for the dads
-Icicle lights for reception table decoration
-Decided on a cake and confirmed it with our baker (aka my cousin, C)
-Found a bustier that will actually work under my dress, and actually fits me (a miracle!)
-Fixed my “something old” earrings and made them new again
-Decided we’d have a day-after brunch at my in-laws’ house
-Got the ball rolling on what the moms (well, Jason’s mom and my grandma) will wear
-Started working out a day-of timeline with the photographer and venue
-Found our cake toppers

And probably so much more.

And I haven’t told you about any of it.

There’s no excuse at all except that I am lazy. And a bit overwhelmed. I’m not one of those girls who has dreamed about my wedding for my entire life, but for the past couple of years, yes. I love weddings, everything about them, and I have waited for the day to come when I got to plan mine. So sometimes the fact that I’m really doing just that, that it’s finally “my turn”, that I’m getting to do fun things like pick out tie colors and cake flavors and table linens and centerpieces and whatever else — it can feel overwhelming, in a completely good way. Sometimes I get so thrilled over such simple things that I have a hard time putting my excitement into words — I have come to think of it as the “happy coma”, where I feel completely and utterly comatose with happiness and excitement that I can’t find the right words, the right combination of photos and turn of phrase, to properly express it. And thus, the lack of blogging. When my brain has nothing more eloquent to say than, “Blarblarblarg I’mplanningaweddingthisissomuchfunI’mgettingmarriedI’msoexcited CAKE TOPPERS OH MY GOD SUITS TIES FLOWERS CAKE TABLECLOTHS BLARRRRR,” it makes blogging rather difficult. I mean, I could easily write a hundred posts just like that, but somehow I don’t think anyone would really want to read them :)

On the other hand, I’ve also recently been rejected from a wedding blog project I had really hoped to get into — and it stung. A lot. Had I not been at work when I got the rejection email I may even have shed a tear or two. I applied to blog for this site way back in early November, and they’ve been reading and reviewing my blog, along with a bunch of others, to pick their next bride bloggers. Five weeks after submitting my application, I found out I would not be one of them. I’ll be able to reapply in three more weeks, but that first rejection sort of burst my blogging bubble temporarily. I needed a little break, but I have missed writing here more than I would have imagined.

So I’ll be back soon. I want to finish out the holiday season working on some other things — wedding related and not — and after the new year I’ll be back here to tell you all about the planning that has happened over the holiday. Trust me, there’s a lot that’s been going on, and I can’t wait to share it all!

Have you ever needed to take a break from blogging? Has anyone else ever suffered from “happy coma”?

Since getting engaged I’ve had quite a few wedding-related nightmares. I think this plight is fairly common among brides-to-be, given the pressure we are under of pulling together this gigantic party that simultaneously feels true to ourselves and our fiancé(e)s, pleases our families, and doesn’t break the bank.

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Everyone has a different nightmare theme, depending on what their worst fear about their wedding day is: the dress not fitting, the guests hating everything, the groom not showing up. My theme? Not getting everything done in time, and having to soldier on with the wedding anyhow.

They always start the same way: It’s the wedding day, I’m running around happily getting everything last-minute finished, when I feel my stomach drop like a lead balloon as I realize that some essential detail was completely forgotten about. We forgot to order Jason’s ring. I forgot to wait for the photographer to arrive before starting hair and makeup, so I won’t have any “getting ready” shots. I forgot to get my dress altered so it’s still way too big for me. We forgot to get a marriage license. We forgot to make the dance playlist, so our reception has no music and everyone leaves right after dinner.

You’re probably seeing a theme here. “We forgot  _______” is my ultimate wedding-day fear. I’ve got so many lists and spreadsheets and countdowns and calendar events and a MOH acting as my second brain that I couldn’t possibly forget something important, but it still worries me. Being a hardcore Type A with a control freak streak will do that to you. When I wake up from these dreams where something very important is missing, I actually feel grief for the wedding I wanted and didn’t get, because some essential detail wasn’t there, and the wedding no longer felt like ours. And when I realize that we’re not married yet and that it was just a dream, relief washes over me and I make a firm mental note to remember to do/get/confirm/finish whatever it was in the dream that was missing.

This is one of the reasons why I threw myself headfirst into planning practically the second the ring was on my finger (and in some cases, even before that happened!), and one of the reasons why I’m getting stuff done early — that way I know it’s done and out of the way, and I won’t have to worry about it being forgotten about in the last-minute rush in the weeks leading up to the wedding.

Why did I buy my dress 11 months out? Why did we pick our wedding bands a month after getting engaged? Why did I already start making centerpieces? Why do we already have our invitations? Why am I going to start my alterations in March? Why did I start building the reception playlist months ago? Because it eases my mind just a little bit to get things out of the way. So what if my checklist on The Kn*t says I shouldn’t start my alterations until six weeks out? So what if it says we don’t need to get our wedding bands until April? So what if it said we didn’t need to book our vendors until 6-8 months out? I think sometimes brides hold too much store by these pre-made checklists and friends’ experiences, and think they’re supposed to leave everything until the last minute, because That’s Just The Way Things Are Done. I don’t buy that. If you already know which invitations you love at 12 months out, why not buy them up? If you’ve been the same dress size since high school and aren’t trying to change that before the wedding, why not start alterations early? If you find a wedding band you love, why not buy it 8 months out? Don’t rush into a decision for the sake of getting it out of the way (trust me, I’ve done that with a few things too, and it’s only led to more difficulties down the line), but if you find something you’re 100% positive about, don’t wait on it just because it’s early in your planning.

I just don’t understand this mentality of “wait, it’s not time to do that yet.” Who the eff cares?! If you’re sure about your decision, shove it up your checklist’s you-know-what and own the fact that you’re getting things done early. I can’t speak from experience as far as “crunch time” goes since I have about five months (five months!) before that hits, but I’m sure you’ll thank yourself in those last few weeks before the wedding that you finished your centerpieces, your guestbook, your programs, your aisle decor, your X, Y, and Z months ago, and don’t have to worry about it in a last-minute scramble.

I still am petrified that we’re going to forget or run out of time to do something important before the big day, but by getting things done early I can quash some of that fear.

What is your biggest wedding-day fear? What are you doing to conquer it?

AKA: I’m A Secret Brad Paisley Fan, and Jason Thinks That’s Gross.

While thinking of the music for the reception, I had to plan out a fair few slow dance songs. Personally, slow dancing is the only kind of dancing I really enjoy and don’t look stupid doing, and I know a lot of other people feel the same way. I always feel disappointed when I go to a wedding and they hardly play any slow dances, so I knew I’d want to make sure to play plenty of them at our wedding.

As I compiled a list of slow songs, I kept getting stuck on one that I wasn’t sure I could actually bring myself to play: Brad Paisley’s “Then”. They played this at Jason’s cousin’s wedding last year, and I remember listening to the words and thinking just how romantic it was. I mean, seriously:

{Brad Paisley “Then” video via Youtube}

“What I can’t see is how I’m ever
Gonna love you more
But I’ve said that before…
Now you’re my whole life
Now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you, girl
We’ll look back some day
At this moment that we’re in
And I’ll look at you and say,
‘And I thought I loved you then’”

GUH. I got chills just typing that out (and I may even have teared up…sappy, much?), and ever since that wedding I’ve absolutely loved this song. The problem? It’s country. Now, no offense to country music fans, but neither of us can stand country, and Jason especially hates country. We’re kind of music snobs that way. At the wedding we heard this, I conceded my hate of country for my love of the lyrics, and decided I wanted to dance to it. But I could not convince Jason to dance with me to this song, no matter how hard I tried. He flat out refused. No dancing to country for him, and in fact he sat with a mutinous expression on his face until the song ended. (Like, seriously, he hates country.)

But since getting engaged and thinking about what music we want to play at the wedding, this song has been at the forefront of my mind. The lyrics are perfectly romantic, and perfect for a wedding. But could I bear to besmirch my flawlessly cool playlist with a country song? At first I felt I couldn’t do it. Why did it have to be a country song? Why couldn’t it have been Simon & Garfunkel, or Billy Joel, or heck even Paul McCartney? Even after about a hundred marriages and divorces, batty ol’ Macca is still cooler than Brad Paisley. (Okay fine, let’s face it: Batty ol’ Macca will always be cool, so maybe that’s not a fair comparison. But you get my gist.)

And so I pushed this song far from my mind. I deleted it from my iPod. I listened to another song anytime I had it stuck in my head, to try and chase it away. I laughed about it with Jason anytime we heard it on a store radio or somewhere in public where I couldn’t avoid it. But all the while, I was secretly loving it, yet knowing that if I told them that he would give me The Face. The Face that says, “That’s gross. You’re gross. I love you but, just. No.”

After months of trying to repress my great love for this song, I finally gave in. I put it back on my iPod. I listened to it practically every day. I let my eyes well up if I was feeling particularly sappy about it. And I even started to listen to other Brad Paisley songs — and enjoying them, a lot. After a few weeks of this, I knew I couldn’t not play “Then” at the wedding. I just have to. It’s so perfect. I can imagine dancing with Jason and thinking about our past and our future — except –

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Hang on a sec. How would Jason, music snob extraordinaire, feel about playing, and indeed dancing to, this song at our wedding? Would the wedding euphoria be enough for him to forget his music snobbishness for a few minutes, or would he sit like a bum and glare at everyone dancing to this song? (Not that I actually cared — I was going to play it whether he liked it or not — but I thought it would be hilarious to see his reaction.) When I told him of my plans, he looked at me exactly like this:

Blond hair and all. Not really. {Source}

Yep, there it was: The Face. Needless to say, he was none too thrilled. But I soldiered on. I told him how sweet this song really is, and how the twang in Brad Paisley’s voice is minimal here, and how everyone at his cousin’s wedding danced to this song (which was true — the dance floor was packed with couples young and old for this number). I appealed to his logical side — we have guests with every kind of musical taste out there, so we might as well play a little bit for each of them if we want to keep the dance floor full all night. Plus, this song wasn’t so bad — there are no mentions of rodeos, cattle, guns, boots, horses, saddles, stetsons (*shudder*), spurs, Texas, whiskey, or misogyny here. For a country song, it was pretty tame. In fact, if the slight twang in Brad Paisley’s voice were not there, it wouldn’t really be country at all. That is the only identifying factor in the country-ness of this song.

After 10 minutes of hilarious back-and-forth, I think I finally got him convinced. The Face had become slightly less contorted, so I knew it was working. His answer had gone from “Absolutely not a million times no” to something more like, “If we haaaaave to.” Which, for me, is as good as a “yes” — I know I can convince him if I try just a little harder :)

Have you ever found yourself loving a song from a genre you had sworn to hate? Did you play it at your wedding?

(Beware: this post is about Serious Business and somewhat political. You’ve been warned.)

Last night I was chatting with my good friend Z about same-sex marriage. Z is one of my “gay friends”, if you want to call it that. Our conversation got me thinking about my own upcoming nuptials and how I could best recognize the fact that we, as two people entering into a privileged heterosexual marriage, are able to take this very important step in our relationship while some of our closest friends and family cannot do the same.

Between Jason and I, we have a lot of friends who are gay. Many of those friends will be guests at our wedding. I simply cannot in good faith stand in front of those people and say my vows and parade my so-called privilege in front of them, when inside I am asking myself, “What ‘privilege’? What have I done that is more ‘worthy’ of marriage than them?” So the question then became: how can we recognize this disgusting disparity in equality, without causing undue drama and tension on a day that is supposed to be filled with happiness? I want to be respectful to those with different opinions, but I also want to make it known that Jason and I respectfully disagree.

There have been many, many recent blog posts, articles, and forum threads about different ways that heterosexual couples are recognizing this issue within their ceremonies and/or receptions. Offbeat Bride has a really great post listing 10 ways to show your support for marriage equality at your wedding.

One very simple option is to only use vendors who are same-sex friendly. This can be difficult if you’re on a budget or don’t have the time to hunt around for friendly vendors, but for those who are able to, this is a very powerful way to make your voice heard. There is no more powerful motivator than the dollar. You can find a great directory of same-sex friendly wedding vendors on So You’re Engayged.

Another popular option is the White Knot for Marriage Equality campaign. Many brides are placing a basket of white knot pins next to their program basket, or on the guestbook table at the reception, with a sign inciting those who support same-sex marriage to take a knot and wear it proudly, and providing more information about the campaign and ways to help.

{via OffBeat Bride}

This is a fine idea, however, I don’t think it’s quite enough — those little knots will be worn by those who support equal marriage rights, and ignored by those who don’t. It doesn’t start any kind of thought process, discussion, dialogue, anything — something also known as “slacktivism“. I want something that, while still tasteful and tactful, is something that no one can ignore. I don’t pretend to think that I can change people’s minds with one short mention of the issue in our wedding ceremony, but I do want it to be clear that this is an issue that we supporters will not be quiet about until full, equal rights are recognized for everyone.

So I started to think of something that would literally speak to everyone — a reading during the ceremony. The most popular such reading is the Goodrich vs. Department of Health ruling. I really like this one because of its subtle-yet-powerful tone. It is not an in-your-face blow to those who hold different opinions on the matter, but it does come from an angle of plain, pure logic, which is hard (if not impossible) to argue with. The actual ruling is rather long (you can read it here), but there are a few popular condensed versions floating around that are better used for wedding readings. One version I’ve found to touch on the most important points is this one (from About.com):

“Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations….Without question, civil marriage enhances the ‘welfare of the community.’ It is a ‘social institution of the highest importance.’

Marriage also bestows enormous private and social advantages on those who choose to marry. Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family…. Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”

This reading is very meaningful and powerful to me, and it is subtle enough that it won’t make anyone truly uncomfortable to be at our ceremony. In a word, it is perfect for what we are looking for.

Along the same vein, one option that I haven’t seen much of elsewhere but that I also really like is to read Aristophanes’ speech from Plato’s Symposium. In his speech, Aristophanes tells the story of why soul mates exist. He says that human beings were originally four-armed, four-legged, two-faced beings — some two women, some two men, and some half man and half women — but that Zeus, fearing the power of these humans, split them all in two, so as to make them less powerful. These half-complete humans then spent their entire lives searching for their “other half” (and now you know where that phrase came from! Isn’t philosophy cool?!), and when they found them again, they spent the rest of their lives never leaving the other’s side.

I like this story because it not only is a very powerful description of love in general, but it is a subtle nod to the fact that same-sex relationships are just as “valid” in origin as heterosexual ones. Of course, again, this is a rather long story in its full form, and certain translations are more…wordy than others (you can read one here), but I think that if I searched enough I could find a good, condensed translation that could be used as a ceremony reading. This one is also especially fitting for us because I am a philosophy geek, and Jason and I can both appreciate a beautifully-worded story — which this story certainly is.

With what little specific thought we’ve given the ceremony so far, we know that including a nod to marriage equality is important to us. As we flesh out our ceremony more we will decide which reading we like better, and who we want to deliver the reading.

Are you making any statements about marriage equality at your wedding? What are you doing?

(Does that title sound kind of gross to anyone else? Like “cake perspiration”? …No? Just me? Okay then. Carry on.)

Since we were just talking about desserts in the form of the cookie table, I figured I would talk about the other famed wedding dessert: the cake. I’m really not much of a cake person in the way that I can’t stand cakes that come from a bakery (even a really good bakery)…they just taste so blah to me. But a good, heavy, moist, homemade cake with homemade icing? I’m all over that. And lucky for us, we have a cake baker in the family, and even luckier, she’s agreed to make our wedding cake!

This cake baker, however, is not one of our great-aunts or cousins-twice-removed; no, she is, in fact, my 16-year-old cousin, C. C discovered her love for baking a few years ago and developed a focus on cake decorating. She’s taken classes at local bakeries and has some kind of certification (I think — I’m a little fuzzy on the details). How cool is that?! Plus, her cakes are to. die. for. I had the pleasure of tasting my first C-baked cake just a few months ago, and I just kept on going back for more. She makes her own buttercream out of powdered sugar, and her own fondant out of marshmallows, which is just so much better than the plastic-y bakery-made stuff.

C is one of my former-bridesmaids, and when I had to disband the bridal party, I knew I wanted to give both her and her sister T a new “job” — they are as good as sisters to me, after all, and I couldn’t imagine having a wedding without them involved. I knew that I wanted C to bake our cake, and she happily obliged. Happily — and maybe a bit nervously, because logistically this could be an absolute nightmare. C and her family live in Connecticut, which is about a 9-hour drive from where the wedding is. C’s mom, of course, works a typical Mon-Fri work week, so they may not arrive in PA until Friday afternoon, just in time for the rehearsal — leaving C practically zero time to bake or decorate the cake, let alone have a kitchen to do it in. To be honest, we still haven’t even remotely figured out the logistics of this situation, but the one message I got from that was: keep the cake simple. Which is perfectly fine with me, because simple cakes happen to be the ones I like best.

There are all kinds of fantastically beautiful, decorative, ornate cake designs out there:

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But these kinds of cakes, while beautiful in their own right, aren’t really fitting for our wedding. These cakes look more fitted to a grand ballroom wedding with gold chiavari chairs, tuxedos, sterling silverware, and Dom Pérignon on every table. Not exactly the vibe we’re going for. I wanted our cake to reflect the “simple with a little detail” theme we have going. So, of course, where did I turn first? Pinterest. And there were a plethora and a half of cakes to be found in every shape, size, and style you could imagine. Of all the styles I found, though, I kept coming back to one in particular:

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{Hey look, this one is from our very own photographer!}

This style, with clean fondant, and simple ribbon/dots on the base of each layer, is absolutely perfect. I love that the emphasis is on ivory/cream color but that we can add accents in via the ribbon and maybe a few flowers stuck here and there. My two favorite elements are the colored ribbon, and the row of dots, and I would love to combine the two into one design. Kinda like this:

{Beautiful cake artwork by moi}

Simple and classic and elegant, yet with just enough detail so as not to be boring. And, perhaps most importantly of all, this will be a very simple design for Miss C to decorate for us, even if she ends up in a time crunch. (At least I assume so — I haven’t shown her these designs yet, so who knows, this could be unimaginably difficult for all I know!)

The other factor when it comes to cake is, of course, the flavor. And once again, I’m a fan of simple. I’ll take a plain ol’ white cake with white icing over dark chocolate cake with raspberry filling and ganache icing with chocolate shavings any day. Given that, I’m partial to lemon cakes (lemon anything, really), and Jason will pretty much eat anything. I asked him what he thought about lemon, and his exact response was, “Maaaaayyybeeeeeeeee,” which, in Jason-speak, generally means “Yes”. Again, I don’t know if C has any good recipes for a lemon cake, or if they’re hard to make, so I’ll have to run this by her before we decide for sure, but for now let’s assume that it will be lemon.

Surprisingly, our cake was one of the easiest decisions to make thus far. There hasn’t been any waffling back and forth, there won’t be any decision-changing (though I probably just jinxed myself saying that)…I knew what I liked from the moment I saw it, and that was that. I wish everything wedding-related were this simple!

Who is baking your cake? How did you decide on a design and a flavor?