Today, my manager called me in for a “talk”.

Tomorrow, I’m going to call and quit my job.

It’s more than I want to go into here to tell you all the reasons, but honestly, I think this will be the best thing that’s happened to me in a while. Making the decision to quit my part-time, minimum wage, retail job at this juncture in my life is the only thing that makes sense. Instead of focusing all my energy on keeping my part-time job/finding a different part-time job to tide me over until graduation, I can now focus that energy towards internship/”real” job hunting. I had my portfolio review on Friday and today I’m going to go see the chair of my department to see if he’ll approve me for access to the internship board. I just sent in my final submission for application to a place I interviewed at last week, and I’ll find out soon if I got that job. I’m on a different path now. It’s time for me to get out of the “all I can do is minimum wage service jobs because I don’t have the training for any real job” mindset — I DO have that training. I’ve spent the past year and a half in school getting it. It’s damn well time to use it.

Working at a job that you truly do not care about, for not a penny more than minimum wage and not a minute more than 12 hours per week, is really draining. It sucks your soul dry, it saps your creativity, it makes you a rotten person. It hit me last week at work when we were trying to figure out how to hang the new clothes…I truly do not care about this. There are a million other better things I could be putting my brain power towards. And now, after this “talk” with my manager, I know that it’s not worth another second of my time wasted. I am an intelligent, talented, bright woman and I deserve so much more than what that job had to offer — mentally, emotionally, and monetarily.

This whole thing brings to light another thought train that’s been in my head. I’m ready to be settled. I’m so tired of the insecurity of this period of my life. I want to have a secure job. I want financial stability. I want a cat or a dog or both. I want to buy a house. I want to get married. All these things that I just can’t do yet because the world says that it’s not time. But focusing my search for an internship/”real” job is a step in the right direction. Real job leads to real money, which leads to security, which leads to buying a house and getting a pet and not being in financial trouble to start off a marriage. I know what kind of life I want and I know when I want it, and I am going to fight tooth and nail to get it. I’m sick of being stagnant, of settling for less.

I’m nervous (terrified) about the severe lack of funds in my bank account, but I found out I’ve got a pretty wonderful boyfriend who is willing to help support me until I find something else. He knows full well that staying at my current job would be the worst possible thing for my mental health and personal happiness, and for his understanding I am thankful. I don’t like the idea of being financially dependent on someone, but on the other hand I’m pretty sure that this relationship is here to stay so I don’t really have to worry about the “What if we break up before I get a job? Then what?” And I’m not worried about him losing his job or running out of money either because I know his job is secure.

And so, I’m staying positive. Here’s to self-worth, and giving a giant expletive to the status quo.

I wasn’t going to do this until I got a chance to tidy up a bit, but most of the tidying I have to do hinges on installing more shelves, getting the un-stored stuff off my desk so that I can put the actual stuff that belongs there where it goes, and putting stuff in the basement, all of which won’t happen until tonight/tomorrow when Jason is here, I have off work, and we can actually do stuff. And in that process we’ll be (hopefully) finalizing everything so there won’t be a chance to take “befores” tomorrow…thus, here are my messy, horrible, lived-in before shots. Please don’t judge me :)

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I just spent the past 3 1/2 hours searching high and low for an area rug. I finally just said, screw it, and went ahead and made a mood board without one.

So here’s the new mood board. My two requirements were that my grandma’s retro orange lamp fit in (I will have to post proper pictures of that lamp for you to see, but the one in the mood board is a pretty accurate representation), and that I could hang my great aunt’s lace curtains. After that the rest just sort of came together. Minus the area rug.

I wanted something colorful and vintage-y without feeling too uncoordinated or girly (Jason does have to live here too, after all). And I wanted it to be comfortable and cozy, someplace we could hang out and watch Cosby, eat pizza and play Scrabble, or have some wine with friends. On the other hand I wanted it to be somewhere calm, where I can have a cup of tea and sit by the window and read or crochet. I also wanted the “base” to be neutral so that I could switch up accessories and put whatever I want in the room without stressing over whether it will “go”.

We don’t own any of the actual pieces in that board, but I tried to do an accurate representation of what we do have, because we don’t have the budget right now to buy a whole lot of new pieces. The biggest splurge items will be slipcovers for the couch and recliner (they’re navy blue now, we want them to be a lighter neutral like in the board), and that damn area rug.

Here’s where you guys come in. What kind of area rug would you suggest? Colored? Neutral? Patterned? Solid? Flat-woven? Piled? Shag? We’re totally at a loss. Our budget is under $150 after tax/shipping, and we need an 8′x10′ or thereabouts. Help!!

Hi blog, I’m still here. I’ve been so busy lately, all of my free time has been taken up by projects, interviews, and trying to find a rhythm in the new house. I’ve worked both Saturday and Sunday every weekend since we moved in (something that, when I got the job, I was promised would never happen…ha!), and worked one double shift every week as well. Needless to say I’m exhausted, and I haven’t done anything exciting or post-worthy in the new house, and to be honest I haven’t even had time to take any pictures of anything. I don’t even know where my camera is right now.

This weekend I have both days off for the first time in I don’t know how long. Jason and I are having a date day one of the days (we’re going to Phipps! I’ve never been there before), but I also have some projects I want to tackle while he’s here. I want to:

-Hang the coat rack
-Get all the basement stuff actually put in the basement (this is the biggest hump we have to get over right now…it’s been impossible to clean or decorate around the piles of junk we have sitting around that we just haven’t had the chance to put in the basement yet)
-Vacuum the dang couch
-Purchase a hammer and hang art on the walls (this will eliminate another 2 boxes)
-Fix the curtain situation: hang rods for the sheers inside the decorative rods, and hang our decorative panels in place of the old tenant’s hideous tab-top panels.
-Clean off the kitchen table by putting all the junk that’s there in its proper place

I’m also going to spend a little time today putting together a few mood boards for the living room. The bedroom already has a color scheme/feel that we both like, but the living room needs some major work. I have a few ideas in my head, and at least it’ll give me something to post about until the weekend when I really, really hope to be able to share pictures of the house with you here.

December 30th (technically the 31st as it was after midnight) we went to sleep with this in the living room of my old apartment:

December 31st we brought a few boxes, a change of clothes, the bed, and breakfast food, and slept in a very naked, uncomfortable, empty new house. I was feeling unsure and may or may not have gotten a little bit weepy a few times. I do not adjust well to change.

To take a break from moving we went out to the suburbs that evening to see Jason’s extended family, and then to Emily’s mom’s house to ring in the New Year. I love Emily’s family; her mom is really like the mom I never had.

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